I called a friend of mine while driving to New York and thinking - as per usual. I had this epiphany to what it took for relationships to work. People have a misconception that as long as you are in lust or care about a person it will work... it doesnt work that way.
The Four Loves -4 Greek words that mean love, I had the conversation about three of them. The other is storge (pronounced STORE-gay) which is the Greek word for "natural affection" which is really unconditional love.
Eros - which means passion, fire, physical attraction, romance.
Phileo - which means friendship but also more than friendship. Phileo is the word behind Philadelphia, the "City of Brotherly Love". Phileo is a deep and abiding affection for another person. Phileo means taking delight in being in the presence of the other, as in "I love to be with you". Phileo is like slipping into a favorite set of old clothes that feels very comfortable, except that you are slipping into a very comfortable relationship.
Agape - a long term commitment to another person. Agape says "I will treat you like I love you even when I don't feel like I love you". Agape is what keeps one person loyal to another during the more stressful times in a relationship. Agape treats another person well, even if they aren't treating you well in return.
Ideally, a couple would have all three all of the time. Realistically, eros and phileo can fade from time to time. There are difficult times in which we just don't enjoy being with the other person. Or we are in no mood to be passionate. We don't feel romantic. Agape is the glue that holds a relationship together when eros and/or phileo are at low tide.
A lot of couples who have been together a long time (for decades rather than for years) would say that it is easier to live without eros for a while, than to live without phileo for a while.
All that is all with timing and understand as with anything else....
Hey this is the philosophy of a nude model.. well more like epiphanies that I have and then realize they have already been coined by people smarter than I.
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Sarah, I enjoyed reading this so very much, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI think this realls sums up my relationship with Kerry. Regretably, our physical passion is infrequent, but I cherish the quiet comfort, the familiarity, the complete understanding with him that I could never imagine having with anyone else. It's too private, too honest, too simple and complex to even begin to describe it to anyone who doesn't know us.
Agape. It's such a comforting word, isn't it, but the meaning behind it, and the sacrifice it implies... The true test of a relationship is loving someone through the hurt, through the betrayal, the disappointment, the chaos.
Good topic. *hug*
I almost want to put those greeks words on my wall, printed out in nice text. Your blog really made me happy and feel positive about my relationship. (this is infinite bliss form model mayhem). We should talk more about this amazing topic.
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